Panic Attack

I had a panic attack last night.

I have been fretting lately.
Firstly I want my lil one to quickly come into the world.
On the other hand, I am afraid that I will not be able to handle the pain and the experience...

Then I started thinking
By the time I head back to work, my babe will only be 11 weeks old maximum (assuming he comes out in the next few days). That is still very small. What is the routine going to be like? What if Iryan works night? That means I have to wake up early get baby ready, drive him to the babysitter's. Drive the car back to the carpark, park, then take the mrt to work. What about feeding baby? Expressing milk? How long a time frame do I need?

Iryan is also starting a part time diploma course at about that time. That will take 3 nights in a week, from 6 to 10pm. So that means I have to take the MRT home, and borrow my dad's car to fetch my baby. Once the baby is home alone with me... How do I handle taking a shower, doing my prayers, etc? Leave the baby unattended?? Err... honestly I have no idea how handle this. Iryan says not to worry, we'll figure something out.

But I am a planner by nature. I need to plan so I won't freak when the bridge is before me.

Can someone tell me, is it safe to leave the baby unattended? How long is safe?

About Chachoos and Phoopis

Last weekend or so, I decided to come up with names for my baby to address my family members.

In Malay, aunty is makcik and uncle is pakcik...
But eldest uncle is pak long (long= short for sulong which means oldest), middle uncle is pak ngah (ngah is short for tengah which means middle) and youngest uncle is pak busu (busu is short for bongsu which means youngest) ...
For aunties in the same order, just replace "pak" with "mak".

Confusion comes about when there are more than 3 siblings (so there are many "Ngahs" (middle). For example, Iryan is the 3rd of 4 siblings. His nieces call his sister mak ngah cos she is sibling no 2, and Iryan, pak ngah (sibling no. 3) and his younger brother is pak busu. Then Iryan married me. By right, I should be mak ngah to them as well.. but then they got confused cos there are now 2 mak ngahs... so i just ask them to call me aunty min...

Anyway, since there is already an established pak long/mak ngah and pak busu on Iryan's side of the family, we decided to come up with different names for my sis and brothers.

My siblings wanted to be known as "Aunty Su" and "Uncle Zahid" and "Uncle Fadil" initially.. but we scrapped that... Somehow it lacks "manja"-ness... And since we are technically Pakistanis by race (diluted by blood and culture over the generations).. we decided to do some research on what aunties and uncles and grandma and grandpa should be called in urdu (grandpa and grandma is simply datuk and nenek in malay, and i don't want my baby to call iryan's parents "datuk and nenek yishun" (cos they stay in yishun) and my parents "datuk and nenek tampines"...)

My research on the net threw up a wonderful glossary of terms for aunt and uncle. Then I consulted Z's friend Yusuf, a Pakistani American who actually speaks Urdu (shame on me!) The technically correct term for auntie (mother's sister) is khala. That for uncle (mother's brother) is mamoo.

Now I have 2 brothers. So its either mamoo Fadil and mamoo Zahid or big mamoo and small mamoo (I am so ashamed to admit that I have forgotten the terms for big and small in Urdu, although Z had to call Yusuf to obtain the correct pronounciation for them. What has happened to my affinity to pick up languages??? oh no.. )

But Su did her own research too. She was not in favour of Khala (not cute enough). She wanted to be known as Phoopi or Chachi. But err... the Urdu expert says Phoopi is father's sister. And Chachi is father's brother's wife... (Chacha's wife)

And 2 mamoos are pretty confusing. So I thought what the heck. I told Su, call yourself Phoopi if you like. Fadil can be Mamoo and Zahid can be Chachoo (actually its "Chacha" but "Chachoo" is more manja.. he he he) Hardly anybody in Singapore speaks urdu anyway. Who is going to know that we are not using the technically correct terms??

And grandma and grandpa? That's Nani and Nana (mother's side). Good enough.

Of course, you know what they say about the best laid plans... Somehow I have a feeling my baby will revert to datuk and nenek tampines...

The Final Stretch

I have officially started my maternity leave today. Actually my EDD is 1 March, so there is still some 2 weeks to go. But I decided to take some time off to relax and rest before my lil one decides to make an appearance...

Slept most of the morning away. Then realised.. hey, everybody's at work. What should I do to entertain myself?

First I bloghopped. Found the blogs of some people I recognised from secondary school and JC (but I was never really actually friends with them, although I think they will recognise me as well). Found out one is expecting twins (oh wow! Congrats and good luck!) and the other has happily delivered.

Then I whipped out this "What to Expect When You are Expecting" book that my colleague had lent to me (and which I had finished reading when I was 3 or 4 months pregnant). I flipped to Chapter 13: The Ninth Month, looked at the column that states "What you may be feeling" and realised, the book is describing me.

For example:
- changes in foetal activity: more squirming, less kicking. check.
- heavier vaginal discharge. check.
- constipation. actually I don't have constipation anymore.
- heartburn. not anymore.
- indigestion. check.
- flatulence, bloating. oh yeah man.
- occasional headaches, faintness, dizziness. nope
- nasal congestion, nosebleeds, ear stuffiness. check.
- bleeding gums. nope.
- leg cramps during sleep. if the book means simpul biawak type of cramps, i actually hardly get it anymore. Z actually has no idea what a simpul biawak is. Lucky person! (although she has seen me wake in the middle of the night screaming in pain, and quickly pacing around the room to get rid of the pain. he he he... I remember she panicked and freaked out! ha ha ha..)
- increased backache and heaviness; increased swelling of ankles and feet and hands and face. oh man. this is the reason why i have taken time off from work!
- increased need to urinate after the baby "drops" into pelvic cavity. Soo true! Its like u have to go to the loo every 10 minutes or else you r going to embarass yourself!

Anyway I am actually feeling very excited. Restless, cannot wait to meet my baby type of feeling. I had hoped my baby would show up today (its my dad's birthday today) but he has decided not to make an appearance so soon... oh well.. in the meantime, I have decided to stay active and enjoy the rest of my pregnancy in relative decadence... hee hee hee...

Perspiration and Patience

There is a reason for most things.

I have always wondered why I have very very sweaty palms and feet.

This has been a problem since childhood.

In primary one my schoolwork was always dirty and smudged with pencil markings until my mom taught me to use a handkerchief to be placed between my hand and the exercise book. This formula worked so well I think some of you have seen me write in this manner in JC/ Uni.

Also, my feet always stank after school as a result of being cooped up in socks and shoes for hours.

In school, I always hated having to "hold hands with your partner" and I avoided games which involved hand holding. I remember in TKGS, we had this really fun series of PE lessons involving folk dancing which of course required hand holding. My enjoyment was always tempered by the worry of what my partner would think of my extremely sweaty hands. During the dances that involve changing partners, I always had to explain and apologise to every friend, each time we switch partners.

After playing games, say computer games, the keyboard/ mouse/joystick would be drenched with my sweat. Heck, I can see shiny wet spots on the keys of this keyboard at this very instant!

In my professional career, I try not to shake clients' hands (unless they offer their hands for a shake first, in which case I have little choice). In any case, I will smile very brightly so they do not get offended at my sweaty hands/ that I did not shake their hands.

My choices of footwear are also very limited. On the one hand pumps and shoes that restrict air circulation will have to be washed very frequently (thus reducing their lifespan greatly); otherwise they will stink. On the other hand, slip-ons are difficult to wear because they are just too slippery. I compromise by buying stringy sandals that will fit snugly yet allow for ample air circulation. But my huge feet and the very specific designs required make my choices very limited indeed.

As my pregnancy progressed, my problem seems to have exacerbated. I must be extra extra careful when handling things because my level of clumsiness has shot up. Coupled with swollen fingers, my lack of grip spells a disaster waiting to happen. Also my feet, now too swollen to fit into snug strappy sandals, have to make do with slip-ons. And so the swollen feet, slippery footwear plus the added weight of my beloved bump results in super duper slow shuffling (not walking). Honestly, I think I look like a penguin waddling.

On the flip side, one thing I have learned from this is that the extra care I have had to take has taught me a great deal of patience.

One has to be very patient to walk super slowly and disregard the masses of people overtaking one especially if one is normally a pretty aggressive and impatient person who races past everybody else during the morning/evening commuting rush hour.

One has to be very patient when negotiating staircases when one cannot see where one places one's feet and one's shoes are slippery and one's hand's grip on the railing (if any) is dubious at best.

And of course, when one has an urgent need to head for the loo but one cannot run or rush (it is just not possible), it takes a great deal of patience and control!

About Freedom of the Press

I was watching a programme on BBC yesterday, something called Hardline or Hardtalk (honestly, my memory is not very trustworthy these days)...

The interviewer (I have forgotten his name) was interviewing Flaming, the journalist who commissioned the cartoons on Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) and the Danish Imam who had brought the cartoons to the attention of the Muslim world.

To the Danish journalist he fired questions about why the fellow commissioned the cartoons - did he not take into account the context of the Muslim situation right now? The journalist was trying to justify himself by saying that the Danish have a satirical humour. They make fun of everything, their political leaders, Jesus Christ, etc.. And so it irked him that everybody is "afraid" to publish cartoons like these because of fear of offending the Muslims. I.e. the freedom of press is compromised.

Personally, I think the journalist is either a bigot (which he claimed he was not), or highly ignorant about Muslims in general (which is kind of unacceptable if your chosen profession is journalism, don't you think?) Amidst the background of the 9-11 and the general attitude towards Muslims by the Western World and vice-versa, is that not reason enough to be extra cautious about religious sensitivities when publishing?

There is a reason why freedom of press must be tempered by religious/ cultural sensitivities, especially in the context of our volatile global social climate. I think we in Singapore have learned that the hard way. I am thinking of the racial riots in the fifties and sixties. I think amidst our multi cultural and multi-religious society, it is just a given that we have to be extra careful and sensitive in our dealings with other cultures.

I actually have more to say on the subject, but I am too tired to form my thoughts properly, so.. here ends my quick 2 cents worth.

Look What I Found!

dimana_ibu
Originally uploaded by pepperMin.

He he he...