2005 in Perspective

As today is the last day of 2005, and I have a little bit of time in my hands, I thought I could do a little "highlights of 2005" type of entry...

1. Dengue Fever
The year began for me at ward 16 of Changi General Hospital. I fell sick on 28/12/2004 and was warded a few days later. I always thought being in hospital would be fun... but I was really bored when I was awake. In the beginning my husband would only visist me during official visiting hours.. and it was really frustrating to see the other patients with visitors as early as when breakfast was served! So after a few days in hospital and I felt a little better one morning I called Z up at 7 or 8 in the morning and demanded that she come visit me that morning! Z and Sal dropped by about 2 hours later and I told the doctor they are my family... I really needed their company. I don't know if I have expressed my appreciation. Thanks gals...

The whole episode opened my eyes as to how much my family and friends love and care about me. It is something I had always known and taken for granted but the episode really brought home just how much.

2. The Tsunami
The irony of this is that on X'mas of 2004, my husband, brother and I had gone to Wild Wild Wet at Pasir Ris and had a fantabulous time there. There was an attraction there named the Tsunami. When they ring the warning bell, visitors would flock to the water to experience the waves... A day later a real Tsunami occured with devastating consequences. I hope thay have changed the name of that particular attraction.

Recent news on the aftermath of the Tsunami gives me great respect for the survivors. It takes a lot of courage and strength to move on. I don't know if I am that strong or will ever be.

Iryan had a close shave a few months ago. He was almost hit by a speeding car that had beat the red light. The green man was in his favour and he was about to step onto the road when some instinct (I think its an angel) made him turn his head and he managed to recoil in time. When I heard that the blood drained from my head and I spent a few hours crying thinking about how I would not be able to take it if something had happened to him (the extra hormones induced more tears than usual).

And so like I said, I have great respect for the survivors of the Tsunami.

3. The Honeymoon
It was a good trip. I enjoyed Switzerland immensely, and I want to go again!
We are already contemplating our next trip next year. I think we have more or less settled on Dubai as our destination next year. The question is, to bring baby along or not?

4. Rezeki
After I was discharged from hospital (during which time I was actually prescribed with and had to take birth control pills) we decided to try for a baby. Months went by with no baby and we became a little panicked.

We tried different techniques (oops.. censored here.. he he he...).. and I read up a great deal on the subject (the veritable bookworm as always).

It was hard to hear of friends who have heard the good news. (Iryan's friend who just got married was already blessed)... And we started questioning our ability to conceive.

Are my eyes deceiving me? That was my first thought when I saw the super-faint line on the positive window of the pregnancy test kit. That and a feeling of dubiousness on the accuracy of the test kit (which had been exposed to all kinds of weather as a result of being dragged along to Europe). I took the test at night and was not able to sleep the whole night. (On hindsight, I should have insisted that we drive up to Mustafa Centre to buy another test kit! he he he...)

But Alhamdulillah. I am very grateful for this rezeki. And I pray that the baby will be born safely and will grow up to be a good Muslim. Amin. Pray for me, guys yeah?

5.Extra hormonal
Been crying a lot. A lot. Little things can set me off. And since I am normally very practical, I know I'm being ridiculously over-sensitive. I have cried in front of my boss, in the MRT, in front of my family. Just one frown from my husband can set me off... Sigh....

Alrightiee. This entry is already longer than I expected. Just realised a lot happened this year. InsyaAllah next year, new beginnings, new baby, new lifestyle.

Happy New Year people. Enjoy the holidays!

Apathy

I was reading the December's issue of the Law Gazette and would like to reproduce an exerpt from the President's message.

Mr Philip Jeyaretnam, the President of the Law Society, first quoted Clarence Darrow, a famous American lawyer: "True patriotism hates injustice in its own land more than anywhere else."

He then went on to say: "The person who dissents, who points out shortcomings of his own group, whether profession, nation or society, may in fact be the true patriot. His criticism marks him as a person who cares about what goes on. It is not disloyalty. Simply joining in a flag-waving chorus may be nothing more than a sign of indifference and apathy."

Before I knew it, I had scribbled "Well said!" on the page of the magazine next to those words!

I think the problem with our apathetic society is that we are just too comfortable with it: Why change something that does not need changing?

Also the line between dissension and "troublemaking" is a bit too hazy for our comfort. We have a culture of fear inbred in this society. A lot of things are taboo to speak up about. Whether or not the fear of getting into trouble for dissenting is justifiable or otherwise, the fear exists. Every Singaporean I know has at one point or another been cautioned by well meaning relatives and friends about speaking out (i.e. making criticisms) on certain issues (especially political or government related ones).

It also takes great courage to rock the boat. When I was a teenager and even while I was in Uni, I had a great many opinions about a great many things (And a heroic [some would say idiotic] lack of fear as well). Sadly it seems that lately, I have mellowed/ blended into a member of the flag waving chorus. Simply because I care more for preserving my family and my rice bowl than I do for lashing out at an idealistic indignity at an injustice which has no overt or direct effect on myself or my family.

In other words, I have become comfortable and therefore I do not want to rock the boat. There seems to be something sad about that line of thinking, I know. But I suspect that a lot of Singaporeans are in that same boat.

And thus the apathy.

Reality Sinks In

During a conversation with 2 secretaries in the office on (what else?) their labour experience...

Sec1: When the doctor puts her hand in, I was cringing away and got scolded.

Me: Wait a minute, you mean they put their hands up your vagiina?

Sec2: Yes, of course. (like duh!)

Me: Oh! Can fit meh? The vagina can fit the whole hand?

Sec1: (Like Duh!) Of course! Hello, it can fit the baby. Sure can fit hand one... Baby very big, you know...

Me: (Thinking) Alamak!

And so I momentarily panicked as I drown in a dose of reality.

Still feeling shaky hours (or days) later, I consulted Rehanna (my "being pregnant and what to do" guru).

Me: Is it true?

Rehanna: yeah. They have to put their hands in to check how much the cervix has dilated...

Me: Oh.. (I had the rosy picture that they can somehow see this from outside, without any need to insert anything...) But won't it hurt?

Rehanna: Like I said before, by then you will be in so much pain, you won't care what they do below...

Me: !!!!

The SEA Games

I have been watching the SEA Games highlights the past week and I cringe very badly everytime they interview a Singaporean teen athlete on TV who is not able to speak English (or even Singlish for that matter).

I am full of consternation and embarrassment. Because it seems to be perfectly acceptable for Singapore to win her medals not from the efforts of her own fully born and bred Singaporeans but from "imported" ones.

Aiyoh! So embarrassing! Cringe! Shudder! Turn deep shade of red!

I know there are a number of fellow Singaporeans who go through the same feelings of consternation and embarrassment that I do. There were numerous letters that appeared in the newspapers during the last Olympic games to this effect. But I just do not understand those who write in to champion the "imports". Like Ross says (in "Friends"): Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

I do not understand how one can feel any sense of pride at all in the achievements of those who don’t seem or act or speak like fellow Singaporeans at all. I mean, if he/she was not wearing the jacket with the Singapore flag on it, I really would not have known. You know how you can always tell a fellow Singaporean when you bump into one abroad? Well these are people whom I will not be able to identify as a fellow Singaporean, or "one of us". So how do you feel any pride in their successes? I feel like we have become the laughingstocks of the region.

I think it is perfectly acceptable to import foreign coaches to train our local athletes. But to import foreigners, then grant them citizenships for the purpose of competing in international competitions, it just does not feel right.

I remember the Sea Games in 1993. If my facts are right, we won 50 gold medals that year. 11 was from swimming. Joscelin made her debut that year. I was fifteen.

I remember feeling a fifteen-year-old's gushing pride at her fellow Singaporeans' successes and with Singapore's performance as a whole.

Like I said before, this time around, whatever pride I feel is hidden behind a wall of consternation and embarrassment. Pai Seh!